Big Country, Bad Nickname

I was playing indoor soccer Wednesday night and, being as I am an unwieldy, large yacht of a man, someone on the other team referred to me as "Big Country" to identify who they were covering. I didn't let on but secretly this bothered me because I don't want to be associated with that terrible moniker. It makes you sound like a gargantuan country bumpkin and it has been the nickname for some embarrassing athletes. Seriously, check out how much the three professional sportsmen with the nickname "Big Country" suck/sucked:

• Exhibit A: Bryant Reeves
  
  

  

  Trying to find a goofy picture of Bryant Reeves is like trying to hit fish in a barrel where the fish have been fattened and sedated, the barrel is fish-sized, and the gun you're using is a Davy Crockett.
  

  A mouth-breathing hippopotamus of a man, Bryant Reeves probably did more to kill professional basketball in Vancouver than anyone not named Steve Francis. No one ever went to the barber shop and said, "Give me the Bryant Reeves."
  BMI: 28.9
  
  
• Exhibit B: Brad Eldred
  
  

  

  Your first clue Eldred sucks is he played for the Pittsburgh Pirates

  Brad Eldred had a marginal career split between the majors and the minors. He has a lifetime batting average almost right on the "Mendoza Line"* which Wikipedia defines very nicely as the line dividing acceptable mediocrity from unacceptable mediocrity. Not exactly something I want to be associated with, natch.
  BMI: 32.0
  
  
• Exhibit C: Roy Nelson
  
  

  

  Yes, this man is a professional athlete, why ever do you ask?

  At least this UFC fighter has the cajones to embrace who he is; he has used Weird Al's "I'm Fat" as his entrance music. He competes in the heavyweight division but at six feet even, he should really be fighting at least two weight classes lower. The problem is that he would have to lose 40 pounds just to have a shot at doing so since that would only bring him into the range where a pre-fight water-weight cut would be feasible.
  BMI: 33.4

Now, I recognize that these three individuals are all still remarkably successful in that they are/were paid handsomely to play sports. I would even go so far as to say they fall into the 99th percentile for their specific skill (basketball player/baseball player/mixed martial artist). But that doesn't change the fact that they each incite an instinctive scorn with their shape, gait, and performance. Big Country? No thanks.

*: I would be remiss if I didn't point out that The Mendoza Line and Big Country are both the names of shitty bands with forgettable songs. It is fitting to end this post with Big Country's biggest hit, "In a Big Country"! The single reached number 3 on the US Billboard Hot Mainstream Rock charts and epitomizes why eighties music was so forgettable.