Friday, March 9, 2012

DXM



Feels like that time I drank too much cough syrup and fell into the simulacrum.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Ugh, Just Terrible

This is a real thing that exists and will be intentionally broadcast:


The CBC is calling it a "TELEVISION EVENT"! Technically that is in true insofar as it is on television and it meets the bare minimum definition of "event" by being a "thing that happens". But by that standard so is a test pattern.


Why is the CBC doing this? Who was asking for the Don Cherry Story Part I, let alone Part II? I mean, I understand the nepotism behind Don Cherry supporting his son Tim who wrote the first Don Cherry Story and produced the second one, but is the CBC brass really so beholden to Don that they can't say no?

At some point in time, many people with suits and certificates proving they graduated from institutions of higher education sat around a big table in the CBC building on Front Street and decided that, "Yes, another mini-series celebrating a xenophobic curmudgeon is what's best for Canada." And Don Cherry isn't even the benign type of curmudgeon that you encounter every year at Thanksgiving; Don Cherry is a malignancy promulgating prejudice* using a bully pulpit paid for by the Canadian taxpayers.


This is also a real mini-series the CBC made.

It feels like the CBC ran out of ideas about eight years ago so now it is feeding on itself. When they showed a clip of the fictional Coach's Corner from the mini-series on the real Coach's Corner last Saturday it was like a Canadian faux-culture-qua-culture Ouroboros of masturbatory, self-congratulatory, narcissistic, navel-gazing, vainglorious crap. You can watch it yourself at the six-minute mark of the video below or click this link to go right to the six-minute mark.


I was hoping the CBC would at least wait for Don Cherry to die before they made a second multi-part biopic about him. When he does pass away I bet there will be a week-long, round-the-clock tribute to him and his bigotry on all (English) CBC stations and approximately 37 more movies made about his life by the good folks at the CBC. Peter Mansbridge will report on how Cherry died for our sins, George Stroumboulopoulos will interview Elliot Friedman about Cherry's legacy (because Ron McLean is too big a star to come on George's show), and Randy Bachman will talk about his 5 favourite songs that feature the lyrics "cherry" and a G chord for CBC Radio.


Keep in mind that Don Cherry is not really notable outside of the CBC: his career as a hockey player was marginal (one NHL game played), he did not win any Stanley Cups as a coach despite having the greatest hockey player of all time on his team, and he released a series of VHS tapes featuring concussions rock'em, sock'em hits. He wears ugly suits to try and make himself noteworthy which makes him the Canadian equivalent to Craig Sager.

Yet the CBC features him constantly. He gets to rant like your racist great-uncle about the "left-wing pinko media" on the CBC's flagship program every week, he has seven (7!) hours and counting worth of CBC television movies already made about his life, he was featured on an hour-long CBC show called "Who Do You Think You Are" about his family tree, and he gets to blather on boring CBC documentaries and other CBC programs. The CBC claims that "WRATH OF GRAPES: THE DON CHERRY STORY PART II" will uncover who Don Cherry really is but if the Canadian public has not figured it out by now then what hope is there?


Does not include the story of how he blew the Bruins best chance to finally beat Montreal by taking a too many men penalty

According to the 1991 Broadcast Act, the programming on the CBC should reflect the multicultural and multiracial nature of Canada but his views are at odds with Canada’s understanding of multiculturalism. What Don Cherry proves is that as long as you can wrap yourself in the Canadian flag and yell about supporting the troops, you can say pretty much whatever else you want and get paid upwards of $800,000 per year for the privilege of being hero-worshiped.

*: If you watched the linked video where he complains about soccer-style goal celebrations by Europeans, you might have noticed the irony that Cherry labels extravagant goal celebrations as un-Canadian despite the Canadian Football League being known for having ostentatious TD celebrations.