Monday, March 3, 2014

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Red America vs Coastal Elites

Before the Wright Brothers people probably called the fly-over states the caravan-over states.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

You can't spell "Hack!" without Big H

What’s crazy to me about Phillip Seymour Hoffman dying of a heroin overdose is that he was the last person I would have guessed had an addiction to hard drugs. This exposes my total ignorance of the junkie personality but I think of them as people with very little self-control, both in the sense that they caved into doing hard drugs in the first place and because a junkie's free will is undercut by his or her cravings.

But Hoffman must have had superlative self-control to completely inhabit so many distinct and fully-developed characters like he did. I'm paraphrasing here, but Chris Connelly basically said Hoffman was the best at simultaneously exuding to an audience the image his character wanted to show the world and what he really was underneath. I think that is a very accurate description of the man's talent but it is so hard for me to reconcile someone having control over their persona top-to-bottom like that but being unable to constrain their animal urge for dopamine/serotonin. For someone to act like Hoffman did is the epitome of higher-order consciousness yet somehow he was killed by a base impulse: to get high.

First Hedburg, now Hoffman. Watch out Kate Hudson. Heroin works alphabetically.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

He's in Derrick Comedy? Really? He's not one of the Whitest Kids U Know?

Donald Glover talks in this video about how easy it is for him to get his weed past airport security. Apparently they take him at his word that he needs it for his asthma. That's all the proof you need that he really is the whitest black person.

The only alternative explanation is that America is actually winning the war against racism. I mean, for a black hip-hop artist to be able to so easily bluff his way past the po-po and transport narcotics across state lines is like the Apollo 11 of the civil rights movement. Mission Accomplished, man. Who cares about getting a black man elected president any more? Getting cops to even entertain the possibility that a young rich black man isn't trafficking drugs is like 90% of the subtext to Dr. King's "I have a dream" speech.

Merry Black History Month!

Sunday, January 26, 2014

(Probably) True Supposition

Did you know that the inspiration for the K-Os song "The Dog is Mine" was (probably) the movie Our Idiot Brother? Consider the evidence.

  • The chorus and very title of the song reference the main character's central motivation throughout the film. When he gets out of jail Ned desperately wants to reconnect with his dog but his former partner Janet kicks him off their farm and refuses to let him bring his golden retriever named Willie Nelson with him. In K-Os's words, Janet makes it so that "a dog gotta be a prize." Her actions drive him to solicit legal advice on the matter (a very unusual step for an outside-the-system guy like Ned) and he even goes so far as to try and steal the dog back. One of his sister's explains that no one could love anything as unconditionally as Ned  loves Willie Nelson. At the end of the movie it is not any human relationship but Ned's relationship with his dog that gives him a reason to leave jail. In his eyes, "The Dog is [Emphatically] Mine," and every capital letter belongs in that title/thought.
  • The timing of the song's release fits with the production timeline of an album given when K-Os likely saw Our Idiot Brother: The movie was released in January 2011 and the song came out in September 2012.
  • K-Os sings, "Got to pack my things and go" which syncs with Ned's eviction at the hands of Janet as well as making reference to the pack he wears in several scenes throughout the film. Indeed, the word pack is repeated in the line, "I thought you don't pack a soul," which also describes Janet's ruthless cleavage of Ned from his precious dog.
  • Other K-Os lyrics talk about how he "tried to empathize" and implore the listener to "go ahead with your better self." These lines succinctly articulate Ned's worldview. He tries to connect with people by listening to them on an emotional level and he explains to Princess Arabella in the film that he believes trusting people inspires them to bring out their best selves.
  • Ned is the apotheosis of naive. He sells marijuana to a uniformed police officer because he genuinely believes the policeman is asking his help and isn't merely entrapping him. Hence K-Os writing a line in his song about being "too na├»ve to know."
  • The song has a stoner rock vibe to it, which is a very interesting and particular style for a versatile artist like K-Os to choose.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Scrubs, do you want some Scrubs?

I, using my alternate alter ego Gandhi Turkleton, posted my first videos to YouTube recently. Behold their greatness!

Season 6

Season 8

You'll note that I, like most of the Scrubs fanbase, do not acknowledge the existence of Season so-called 9.

Anyway, having created a Blogger blog in 2011 and posted YouTube videos for the first time in late 2013, I am right on track to start tweeting in 2016 and then who knows what's next? Dare I dream of a tumblr with resplendent with my most recent intellectual property violations? The Internet better watch out because here comes Time Magazine's 2006 Person of the Year!*

*: Time's 2006 Person of the Year was "You" as in YouTube. And by "you" in this case I of course mean "Me" and not "Us" which is whom Time was using it to refer to. Sorry if that was a confusing use of pronouns and/or you didn't know who Time's 2006 Person of the Year was and had to read this endnote. I can see now that expecting you to remember who was THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON ON THE PLANET 8 years ago is asking too much. I promise I will not expect you to remember more than 7 things going forward.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014


"Grandiloquence" is one of those words that means what it sounds like.

Bombastic? More like Bomb Blasts It!