Criminal Cruft #2: Mischief

Common Mischief

The offence of "mischief" is overbroad but Parliament has managed to also make it overcomplicated. Judging by its name you would think it would be a law against the shenanigans of Saturday-morning cartoon villains, but the reality is much less interesting. (There is also an offence for "public mischief" which is equally dry but not what I want to talk about here.)

The law against mischief is found at section 430 (1) of the Criminal Code. It covers destruction of property, damage to property, rendering property dangerous, rendering property unusable, interference with the use of property, and interference with the enjoyment of property. That is supposed to be a succinct paraphrase of the offence and it still drags on. You could be excused for thinking that it covers all the mischief a criminal could possibly do to property, but that doesn't stop the Code from having another 3 mischief offences.


Mischief Against Data

The first of these is mischief against data. "Data" is defined as any information or concept that is usable by a computer. I assume this extra section exists because intangibles like computer data are not necessarily included in the legal concept of "property". That is a stretch since property usually includes intellectual and other intangible property nowadays. However, even if that were not the case and someone managed to corrupt your porn collection, the police could still charge that guy with: 1) interfering with the use; 2) interfering with the enjoyment; or 3) interfering with the operation of the property known as "your computer," all three of which are recognized versions of common mischief.


Mischief Against Religious Property

The other two superfluous mischief offences are mischief against religious property and mischief against cultural property.

Mischief relating to religious property occurs if someone motivated by hatred towards a religion, race, or origin commits mischief against a church, mosque, synagogue, or other building primarily used for religious worship. So if you try to distract someone in church by tapping on the glass because you hate them because they are from Norway then that is a different offence then tapping on the glass to distract them because you hate them because those Norwegians happen to be jerks.

Apparently the laws against mischief and hate propaganda are not enough to deal with mischief that is a hate crime so we need another law. That way the police can charge you with all three! (Plus they will probably want to throw in charges for criminal harassment while they are at it.) Meanwhile, one of the sentencing principles in section 718.2 of the Criminal Code already directs judges to take any evidence that a crime was motivated by hate into consideration, but don't rely on that because a judge is paid a quarter of a million dollars each year not to exercise her discretion.


Mischief Against Cultural Property

To know what mischief against cultural property is you have to look at the definition of cultural property. It is not found in the Canadian Criminal Code but instead it is in Article 1 of the "Convention for the Protection of Cultural Property in the Event of Armed Conflict" signed at The Hague on May 14, 1954. The definition turns out to be very extensive with everything from monuments to books covered, but the key part is that the object or building must be "of great importance to the cultural heritage of every people."

Now, I complained earlier that the definition of mischief is overbroad, but the standard for property to qualify as "cultural property" has to be too stringent. What piece of Canadian property has great importance to the cultural heritage of every people? I mean, Niagara Falls is nice but I don't think the Mongolians, the Hutus, or the Incas would say it is of great importance to any of their cultures.

Because of this overreaching definition of cultural property, this subsection of the Criminal Code is effectively useless. I did a quick search on CanLII for cases containing the strings "mischief" and "cultural property" but none of the cases it turned up were about the offence, so I can only assume that this charge is never laid.

In conclusion, the government could cut out the laws against mischief targeting religious and cultural property without losing anything except verbiage. I would recommend cutting out the offence for mischief against data as well after making it clear that property includes electronic property like health records. The Crown will still have the expansive definition of common mischief to fall back on.

Diseased Descriptors

Does it bother people who are anemic when the adjective "anemic" is used as an adjective to describe a hockey team's power play? I would suspect not since the word has its own separate (but still very related) meaning in that context and the word is not being used derogatorily to demean anemics. Still, with so many other options out there, why not use something that is not a chronic disorder?

What about when a baseball team's offence is described as "impotent"? Do old guys with Cialis prescriptions squirm when they hear that? If so, commentators should probably think of something else to say since old guys with Cialis prescriptions are a key demographic for baseball.

What other medical conditions are also used as adjectives for describing bad play? It's not like you hear the play of lumbering linemen labelled "polioesque" or anything like that. I'm sure someone nicknamed the Chicago Bulls offence "cardiovasular disease" because it was so congested in the Eastern Conference Finals, but that is in jest and the object of scorn is the Bulls, so I can cut that some slack.

Maybe I'll start characterizing Andrea Bargnani as "athlete's footy" since he's flaky and his feeble condition seems to be spreading through the locker room.

2011 NBA Finals - Game 5 Diary

Pre-game

I hate it when I am making guacamole and the bowl I pick out is barely big enough for the avocados so once I add the rest of the ingredients (read: salsa, lemon juice, and a sprinkling of garlic powder) I cannot mash the mixture together without spillage. WHY DO I KEEP ON MAKING THIS MISTAKE?

Do the coaches have to stand in place while they’re introduced so the camera can film their face? I think they do, in which case they should make funnier faces. Right now they look like they are trying to come off as action heroes.

Do all the Dallas Mavericks cheerleaders want to be Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders?

The ABC NBA Finals graphic intro is very reminiscent of CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada intro. They both have grainy images of famous plays and players over top of gray objects in the background while the camera swirls and lively music plays.

First Quarter

I think I would rather lose the opening tip. That way you get the ball at the start of quarters two and three.

Well, that was not very aggressive by James. He had the ball twice in the post and didn’t even try to make a move past his guy.

Bosh finally hits a hook shot in the series. That is a skill I always expect him to be better at. He has an Abdul-Jabaar build that you would think to lend itself to hook shots, even if they are only ones of the baby variety.

Why is James shooting left-handed floaters? No part of "left-handed floater" indicates aggressiveness and I thought we were all in agreement that more aggressiveness was what we are looking for. I suppose we should at least be happy he is not fading away from the basket while shooting it.

What stops fans who sit near the visitor’s bench from listening to what the coach says to his team during timeouts and then repeating it to the home team when the timeout is over? The coaches are always yelling so it should be possible. Even if the fan cannot see what the coach is drawing on the board, you could still pick up something based on who he is talking to and what he is saying then relay that information to your own team when they come back down the floor. One day I will get awesome seats and do this.

When are the announcers going to mention that Bosh and Marion used to be on the same team in Toronto? Never, because no one cares about Marion. Or Bosh. Or Toronto.

As someone cheering for the Heat, I do not like Bosh trying to rebound against Chandler. Bosh is only averaging 6 rebounds per game for a reason. [Note from the future: Bosh ended up with rebounds this game, so what do I know?]

Spolestra should let Zydrunas Ilgauskas play. Him going up against Brian Cardinal just feels right.

Why do defenders insist on trying so hard to block Nowitzki’s shot? You are not going to be able to block it plus he throws lots of up and under moves at you so you ended up fouling him which is an essentially guaranteed two points at the line.

Breen: “[Dirk] is the complete package offensively.” -> I disagree. The complete package would be able to jump.

How come I never see Joel Anthony ever smile? He must have bad teeth or something that he is embarrassed about.

Mike Breen is pumped he can finally play up the Wade-is-getting-too-many-free-throws-like-in-2006 storyline. 

I predict a surge in Brian Cardinal jersey sales after this game.

Wow, Jason Terry just blew by Dwayne Wade. There was no pick or anything. He just walked forward with his dribble, gave him a shake, and was gone. He did something similar to The Brawn in Game 1. Those are two impressive blow-bys. Meanwhile, Chris Bosh is too busy taking fall-away jumpers to try and blow-by anyone.

Who will take over for the Miami Heat with Wade injured and Bosh on the bench, LeBron James or Mario Chalmers? If you said LeBron James, then you are wrong but you should be right. That said, I do like Chalmers.

How has Cardinal been in the league for 11 years? Playing hard should not be enough for a frumpy 6-8 guy to accomplish that. I am sure lots of people would be willing to play hard for the salary he makes.

 

Second Quarter

Guacamole makes me feel bad about myself.

Doris Burke: “Where are they hurting you, Erik?” Wow, she should have been a social worker. She could have helped a lot of children talk about their abuse.

Terry and Chalmers should play H.O.R.S.E. against each other.

The Heat should attach a shock bracelet to James that goes off whenever the Heat have a 24-second shot-clock violation to try and get him to be more aggressive early.

Being someone who has played basketball for a long time now and loves to pass, LeBron should know that you are allowed to pass after your have dribbled, too. You don’t have to stare at your defender and call for two picks then throw a skip pass over the whole defence.

I can’t believe the Heat are up by one right now.

DeShawn Stevenson has retroactively become a bigger piece of the Josh Howard trade than Caron Butler

Brian Cardinal: NBA Finals difference-maker.

Again, why wouldn’t the fans around Pat Riley listen in while the doctor describes Wade’s injuries to Riley? I would tell other fans around to shut up if I had to and then pass along the information to my team so that they could better target Wade.

This could be the first game in the series to have at least one team break the century mark.

Brian Cardinal is awesome and a man named Brad Cardinal just won an MMA title fight. Be right back, I'm off to put money on the St. Louis Cardinals.

Nice crossover by Bosh on Nowitzki after Dirk ended up guarding him off an offensive rebound. I like that. You have to go at Dirk when you get the chance because he’s not a great defender and if they can pick up some fouls against him then Dallas loses a massive part of their team.

Eddie House’s irrational confidence has gotten too irrational. Chalmers should be one in that role for the Heat.

Everyone has criticized The Brawn for his last game but he almost had a triple-double. This leads me to believe that triple-doubles are overrated.

I wish the Raptors had Chandler. Dunks and rebounds, baby, dunks and rebounds.

It’s the all-Chalmers offense! He's draining threes, he's shooting techs! Of course, this raises an important question: Why is Rick Carlisle calling a timeout when the Heat are running their offence through Chalmers and they have one field goal in the last 4 minutes?

Why can’t players untuck their jerseys while they play? What purpose does that rule serve?

Third Quarter

[mostly spent playing video games]

It must offend Nowitzki that his replacement is Cardinal.

Why is Spolestra always smiling? This is serious business!

Fourth Quarter

Breen: “The zone has been effective against Miami in this series.” The zone has been effective against Miami all season.

Nice finish by Bosh. Breen has really clued into Bosh being left-handed now and is pointing out when he finishes with his right, which no doubt sounds weird to casual fans who do not realize Bosh is left-handed.

Until Bosh scored there, Miami had four players with fifteen points: Bosh, Wade, LeBron, ... and Chalmers.

LeBron is one rebound and three assists away from a triple-double but this performance is still going to catch him some flack.

More Wade-Haslem PnRs, please.

7 minutes left: LeBron needs two more assists to get a triple-double now.

Has there been a double-digit lead yet in this series?

6:20 left: Nice pass by LeBron to get to 9 assists.

Defence leads to offence!

Dallas should cover that Haslem guy.

Egad! Stop jumping forward so much to block Nowitzki’s shot! You are not going to block it. Jump straight up or put your hand forward in his face.

That was cool to see Nowitzki become exasperated and rip into Chandler. You don't see the big German become expressive very often.

What happened to Dallas’s defence? More big guys open underneath the basket in this quarter than I have seen in the rest of the series.

Kidd guarding James in the post and James does not even take a crab dribble to get close to the hoop. He just waits, turns and fires while drifting away. Unsurprisingly, this leads to a miss.

I’ve never seen a white guy sky more for rebounds than Mike Miller.

Terry is one of those guys that shoots better the more difficult the shot is. It’s just not productive to cover him tightly.

Post-game

Dallas wins. Stat of the game: LeBron James got a triple-double and 0 people cared.

Chess & Flags

I'm not much of one for nationalism but I like that when grandmasters play competitive chess they usually have their country's miniature flag on the table next to them. It just looks cool.

Israel vs. Russia sounds much more interesting than Gelfand vs. Grischuk or 2733 vs. 2726

Average-first-line-center -- a post with too many hyphens

There has been a lot of discussion amongst Buffalo Sabres fans recently -- actually, for a long time -- about the Sabres (putative) need for a first-line center. I am sure many other teams' fanbases are having the same discussion because the demand for first-line centers somehow manages to always outstrip the supply of first-line centers, at least in the minds of fans. That may sound nonsensical, but you have to understand that when hockey fans use the term "first-line center", they don't mean someone who plays on the first line as a center, they mean someone who plays center and is awesome. That means there are really only 10 or 15 first-line centers to go around in a 30-team league.

But I was curious what the average first-line center would look like if you defined first-line centers to be the group of 30 centers that had the highest point totals at their position last year. Essentially, I am making the assumption that there is one first-line center out there for each team although they may not be evenly distributed.* I realize that the 30 centers with the highest point production are not necessarily the 30 best centers in the sport but the use of points does give us some idea who fits the bill. Here are their averages:

Games Played: 75.2
Goals: 25.57
Assists: 40.87
Points: 66.43
Even-strength points: 43.57
Power-play points: 20.8
Short-handed points: 1.2
Points-per-game: 0.898
Age: 25.8

More than other positions, centers are judged by points, but there is more than one way to rank point-production. For example, rather than use the top-30 point totals, we can look at the top-30 points-per-game (PPG) centers and see how that tweaks the numbers: 

Games Played: 70.1
Goals: 24.13
Assists: 39.67
Points: 63.8
Even-strength points: 41.03
Power-play points: 20.9
Short-handed points: 11
Points-per-game: 0.921
Age: 26.5

Lastly, what if instead of taking the top-30 point-producers across the league regardless of distribution amongst teams, we instead took the number-one centers from each team (based on PPG) and calculated their averages? Well, here is what you get:

Games Played: 70.7
Goals: 21.97
Assists:37.77
Points:59.73
Even-strength points: 40.03
Power-play points: 18.8
Short-handed points: 0.9
Points-per-game: 0.861
Age: 26.67

In conclusion, the average first-line center scores goals is a twenty-goal scorer and has around 40 assists. About 40 of the player's points came at even-strength and he scored another half as much on the power-play. He played between 70 and 80 games while producing at around .9 points-per-game over that span, and he recently entered celebrated his quarter-century. The player who probably comes closest to those numbers is ...

Why is Canada Leaving Afghanistan Now?

Paul Martin deployed Canadians to Kandahar in 2005. So why are we leaving now? Have we accomplished our goals? Or has the burden of war become too great to bear? Stephen Harper claims both conditions exist; we have accomplished our goals at the same time that the mission became too much of a burden for the military to continue. I would like to examine both rationales.

1) According to Harper, Afghanistan no longer represents "a geo-strategic risk to the world. It is no longer a source of global terrorism.” That may be true now but I would suggest it was just as true before the Canadian mission in Kandahar started. The geo-strategic risk of global terrorism once posed by Afghanistan was the Taliban running a country where terrorist groups like Al-Qaeda were free to operate without state interference. As soon as the Taliban was deposed back in 2001, this goal was essentially achieved. Now, there were still good humanitarian reasons for remaining in Afghanistan after 2001 and there is still an ongoing need for NATO to maintain the capability to strike at terrorist bases that are discovered in Afghanistan (and Pakistan), but the unique danger created by the Taliban government was essentially eliminated five years before the Kandahar mission started.

 

2) When Harper was giving his speech this week on the end of the Canadian combat mission in Afghanistan this week, he noted that Canadian troops have been in combat roles in Afghanistan longer than the two world wars combined. That is not yet true, but even if it was the comparison would still be spurious.

144 Canadian Forces personnel have died in Afghanistan since the Kandahar mission started. Since September 2010, only three Canadians have died in Afghanistan, a number which includes one suspected suicide. In contrast, a total of 113,633 Canadians died in the two world wars. So, if we were to use 'number of deaths' to compare Afghanistan to the world wars instead of 'duration' then we would find that Canada has only lost 1.3% as much as it did in those two wars. That means Canada would have to stay in Afghanistan for approximately another 750 years before it matched the losses in WWI and WWII.

Of course, we should not expect or allow the military to suffer the same sorts of casualties as it did in the world wars; the point is that it is absurd to compare the two of them to Afghanistan.

I believe the real reason Canada is leaving Afghanistan is public opinion. If my suspicion that polls are driving the decision to end the combat mission is correct then I guess we at least have some form of democratic government in that it represents the wishes of the people. On the other hand, it would also imply that the government cannot be upfront about its decision-making process, which is lamentably undemocratic.

As a bonus to the Harper government, shutting down the Afghanistan combat mission will prevent any more pesky detainee abuse scandals from occurring. That's just good politics.

2011 NBA Finals - Game 1 Diary

It seems like Bosh should have a better hook shot with both hands.

Bibby has no issue with chucking up contested three-pointers. The reason the Mavs have even managed to be tied at 11 is because of the difference in three-point shooting by each team's point guards.

“Bosh has been a terror on the boards.” -Mike Breen -> You don't hear Bosh called a “terror” very often.

Spolestra looks like a chipmunk with a goatee.

Kidd plays like an old man the way he anticipates the ball being exposed and taking swings at it then actually making contact with it without fouling.

Stojackovic is so pale it is creepy. Is Serbia near Transylvannia?

That was a great move by Terry on James. One of those fake crossovers. Too bad he missed the dunk. I thought he threw it down live. That said, after watching the play from the camera on top of the backboard, I don't know that he would have made it even if he hadn't been fouled. Looked like his trajectory was headed wide.

Barea should have flopped when James gave him a forearm shiver. Would have been The Brawn's fourth foul.

It feels like whoever hits their threes is going to win this game.* Also, the ability to rebound all those misses will be big.

The Heat are flying around on defence to get out on the shooters.

It's tough to throw it off Barea when you are falling out of bounds because his legs are such a small target. It's like when managers throw a midget into the batter's box to screw a pitcher's ability to hit the strike zone.

Oh no, Tim Allen is back. He looks very similar. I bet he got work done.

Nowitzki runs awkwardly like his body is already half-broken down. Cuban must have the best doctors physiotherapists on retainer just for Dirk.

Wade jumps to pass all the time. But it is awesome the way he can spin to shield his man while he catches the ball.

It's good to see that Kidd finally found his outside shot in his old age. It must have been in one of the crags on his face. Seriously, though, his face looks more beat up than his wife's.

How come they advertise Sprite a lot using basketball, but never Coke?

Mavs went on a 7-0 run when Bosh went out.

Chandler was put on this earth to finish alley-oops and Kidd has some skill in throwing them.

You shouldn't really showboat very much when you are 6'10” and you block a 5'8” guy.

Man, how can the shorter Kidd with the shorter vertical block Wade? His defense is bizarrely effective.

Miami is going after Stojakovic as they should.

Wade walks weird, too. It's hard to tell if it is more because swagger or injuries though.

You would think that Blake Griffin would have a clause in his insurance contract that would void his coverage if he played with tigers.

“As pro basketball players, we have a duty to be heroes.” -LeBron James in an NBA Cares commercial.

“We have accepted the villain role.” -LeBron James in his pre-NBA Finals press conference.

Dallas makes a lot of floaty passes that seem like they have a small margin for error; if they are slightly off then they are either going to fly high out of bounds or come up short and be stolen.

Being short allows players to split double-teams much more easily their dribble is so low. Vince Carter will achieve the same effect when splitting double-teams by bending over and dribbling very low. It's great, I don't know why more players don't do it.

Whoa, Juwan Howard is the first Fab 5 player to be in an NBA Finals?

Mark Jackson loves Dirk's patience because Dirk's first two dribbles were not intended to move the ball around the court in any way, just to read the defence. And that's why Mark Jackson was a boring basketball player.

Is it a sign of bad defence when an alley-oop pass is directed to an open player streaking to the hoop and another offensive player with good position next to the hoop tips it before it gets there? I think so.

Haywood doesn't even try to jump when he is finishing around the hoop with people covering him. I think he tries to sneak it up sometimes before the defenders notice what he is doing.

Bosh is too hesitant to be a strong defensive player. It is the flip side of the coin that makes him hold the ball for five seconds while he faces up his man on offence.

Spolestra has Wade, James, Bosh, Miller, and Haslem in with over 9 minutes left in the 4^th quarter. Will he make any more substitutions for the rest of the game?

Now Haslem is dropping his elbow jumper. Haslem & Miller hitting their shots means game over for the Heat.

I think the association has such a big gap between the conference finals and the NBA finals to give the players time to heal and be fresh so that the product is better.

When is the last time Bosh went around somebody? He used to blow by people all the time in Toronto, but now most of his offence is finishing well around the hoop off of plays set up others and hitting outside shots. I suppose free throws are still the other big component of his offensive game, as was the case in Toronto.

'Cowboys & Aliens:' It's beautiful people starring in 'The Bourne Identity: Western/Sci-Fi Edition'. The literalness of the title 'Cowboys & Aliens' remind me of 'Hobo with a Shotgun'. I don't trust movies with literal titles can carry their momentum for two hours.

Just now James was defending Kidd, Haslem was on Nowitzki, and Miller was on Chandler. That can't all be on purpose, can it?

James has a “the great rapport with referees”. Too bad basketball fans hate him.

How does Wade keep on getting these great blocks at the end of games? Where are they the rest of the game? I don't really mind, but what explains this phenomenon?

LeBron James is the greatest of all-time! Just ask Scottie Pippen! Dunk-force! Such a smart play to take the lane to the basket when the other team was not expecting it.

Late whistle on the Haslem foul on Dirk. But Haslem gave him that lane to the basket. All Dirk had to do was spin. Haslem must have expected a double-team to be coming from the other side.

What would a team of five Jason Kidd's play like? I suppose it wouldn't look too different than standard NBA offences. A good entry pass into the post followed by forcing the defence to collapse with some quasi-threatening movement towards the basket then lots of no-look passes around the perimeter until someone takes a three and hits it at an average rate.

It feels like the three-point shooting has improved in each quarter of this game. No more butterflies, maybe?

Heat fourth quarter scoring in the playoffs must be tough to fit on a bar graph with the scoring for other quarters.

That last Wade to James alley-oop was less than classy but entirely nasty. It's the non-verbal equivalent of asking for a hard foul in the next game. It's probably good for the Heat that Chandler got a huge dunk on the next trip down to wash some of that bitter taste from the Mav's palate.

Why are both teams' stars still playing with a 10+ point lead and 11 seconds left?

*: It turns out that Miami went 11-24 (45.8%) while Dallas went 9-22 (40.9%).

Post-game analysis: Miami won because they out-rebounded Dallas 16-6 on the offensive boards which was the primary reason why they got up 13 more shots than Dallas. Other than that, things were quite even.