However, this honorable means of transportation is not as accepted in the so-called "multicultural" society of Ontario as one might expect. To begin with, many conductors of carbon-spewing automobiles are less than respectful. Not only do they insist on ejecting noxious fumes at you as they zoom by at hazardous speeds, they will often eject equally noxious insults at me regarding my choice of carriage. These insults are usually interspersed with honks on their vile horns when I assert my right to travel along the road's center.
Even worse, these plebeians have formed a powerful lobby that has brought the coercive power of the state to bear against me and my fellow equestrians. Draconian laws prevent us from fully using the roads for their original intended purpose: horsies. Consider the following:
- Section 173 of the Highway Traffic Act states that, "No person shall race or drive furiously any horse or other animal on a highway." Well, where, pray tell, am I supposed to drive furiously if not on the highway? My estate is limited in hectares and usually contains many reminders of that which hath infuriated me in the first place. I would be content to gallop on my mount furiously elsewhere but the only routes to those places are along -- you guessed it! -- highways. Essentially, the government has legislated that I have no recourse to my horsie when I need it most, i.e. when I am furious.
- Subsection 2(1) of the Horse Riding Safety Act, 2001: No owner or operator of a a horse ... shall permit any rider ... to ride any horse ... unless the rider has and is correctly using the following equipment:
- A helmet that meets current standards for equipment designed and manufactured for use while riding horses as established by the American Society of Testing and Materials (ASTM), the British Standards Institute (BSI) or the European Safety Standards. -> First of all, where is the Canadian Standards Association when it comes to creating guidelines for horse safety equipment? If we are not going to have made-in-Canada solutions for made-in-Canada problems then why even maintain pretensions of sovereignty? I mean, who are we, Mexico?
Second, as a "horse operator" it should not be incumbent upon my person to force other "operators" to wear a helmet; one of the joys of horse riding is feeling the wind toss your hair. This law was clearly created by vicious bald people. - Hard soled footwear with a heel of no less than 1.5 centimetres. -> Um, hello, I do not spend $10,000/year on a podiatrist to have my feet wrecked by hard soles on my Black English riding field boots (which also cost $10,000). And if heels over 1.5 cm are going to become acceptable then I would not have bothered being tall in the first place; we cannot have the undernourished underclass infiltrating our gazebo extravaganzas thanks to lifts, no sir.
- Tack properly fitted on the horse. -> Princess Majestic would never suffer the ignominy of full horse tack. That would be like putting a tarp on mother's bone china.
- A helmet that meets current standards for equipment designed and manufactured for use while riding horses as established by the American Society of Testing and Materials (ASTM), the British Standards Institute (BSI) or the European Safety Standards. -> First of all, where is the Canadian Standards Association when it comes to creating guidelines for horse safety equipment? If we are not going to have made-in-Canada solutions for made-in-Canada problems then why even maintain pretensions of sovereignty? I mean, who are we, Mexico?
- Section 1 of the Horse Riding Safety Act, 2001: “horse” means any animal of the equine species that is over 14.2 hands in height and does not include a pony. -> Why do ponies always get a free ride? This act is prejudiced against horses by definition.
- Subsection 77(1) of the Highway Traffic Act:
Sleigh Bells
(1) Every person travelling on a highway with a sleigh or sled drawn by a horse or other animal shall have at least two bells attached to the harness or to the sleigh or sled in such a manner as to give ample warning sound. -> No, no way. I am a golden god when I am atop Princess Majestic, not Santa Claus. Besides, sleigh bells are like children: they are fun for about five minutes but then become so irritating you want to cast them off a cliff.
Penalty
(2) Every person who contravenes subsection (1) is guilty of an offence and on conviction is liable to a fine of not more than $5. -> So it would be cheaper to pay the fine than comply with the law by buying two bells. I wonder which approach I will choose? <sarcasm>
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