I think everyone who saw the trailer Grown Ups thought that Chris Farley would be playing the fat guy instead of Kevin James if he was still alive. The movie had Adam Sandler as the star, David Spade as the sarcastic guy, Chris Rock as the black guy, Rob Schneider as the weird guy, and Kevin James as the fat guy. (Note that movie casts are like groups in real life; you only really want/need one fat guy.) Amongst a cast of formerly funny SNL alumni, James stood out for never having been on SNL and never having been funny.
But what if, in an alternate universe where Chris Farley doesn't overdose on cocaine, Farley assumed James's roles in more than just Grown Ups? What if Kevin James jumped in where Farley left off and assumed his entire career trajectory?
These two white guys were born a year apart and they rely/relied heavily on physical comedy. Their ability to be funny kinetically stems from their surprising athleticism – Farley played rugby in college and James played football. They both play nearly the same character in every movie, although James's standard character has a little less gusto. Farley was probably a little fatter than James has ever been but he was also more talented. Basically, anything James can do, Farley could do better. Replacing Farley with James is like going from Michael Jordan to Vince Carter: the physical gifts are mostly the same but you lose a lot of the intensity that made the physical gifts so effective.
Here is Chris Farley's imdb profile blended with Kevin James's imdb profile:
1990-1995 Saturday Night Live (TV series)
Various / Sandman / B Fats / …
Various / Sandman / B Fats / …
1992 Wayne's World
Security Guard
Security Guard
1993 The Larry Sanders Show (TV series)
Chris Farley
Chris Farley
– L.A. or N.Y.? (1993) … Chris Farley
1994 Tom (TV series)
Chris
Chris
– He's Heavy, He's My Brother (1994) … Chris
1998-2007 The King of Queens (TV series)
Doug Heffernan
Doug Heffernan
2001 Arli$$ (TV series)
Kevin
Kevin
– Like No Business I Know (2001) … Kevin
2004 50 First Dates
Factory Worker
Factory Worker
2008 You Don't Mess with the Zohan
Hacky Sack Tournament Celebrity Judge (uncredited)
Hacky Sack Tournament Celebrity Judge (uncredited)
When he died in December 1997, Chris Farley was due for a demotion to television. He had been cut from the SNL roster in 1995 as part of the cast overhaul that year. He had just tried his luck as a leading man in the mediocre Beverly Hills Ninja (5.0/10 on imdb) and the forgettable Almost Heroes with Matthew Perry (5.2/10 on imdb).
It makes sense to put Farley in the Doug Heffernan role in 1998 because it would mean he made the transition to TV the year after David Spade went to TV to do Just Shoot Me (in 1997). I think it's fair to say that Farley's and Spade's careers were intertwined so expecting that trend to continue with Farley following Spade to TV sounds reasonable. And if you are a CBS executive and you can sign big-name Chris Farley instead of no-name James at that point, wouldn't you do it?
Now check out the Wikipedia description of Kevin James's character character in King of Queens, Douglas “Doug” Heffernan: “His misadventures are often fueled by his childish and immature mannerisms as well as his love of food. These basic desires often cause him to think of strange, intricate schemes in order to get what he wants, although they always manage to fall through in the end causing constant squabbles between him and Carrie.” That doesn't sound like something Chris Farley could handle?
If Chris Farley had taken on the role of Doug Heffernan in King of Queens, then the rest of James's career would follow since King of Queens was really the breakthrough role for Kevin James that lead to everything else. James's big breakthrough was the 1996 Just for Laughs festival and that would have happened anyway, but until he started appearing on CBS comedies, he was not anywhere near big enough to star opposite Will Smith (Hitch) or Vince Vaughan (The Dilemma). Farley would be in James's position but with more prestige and James would be stuck in obscurity, no competition for the (crappy) movie roles that Farley would gobble up.
We can also make a reasonable assumption that whenever James got a job in an SNL alumni movie, that role should have gone to Farley. Before he died, Farley had already received roles in Wayne's World, Wayne's World 2, Billy Madison, and Dirty Work. If that trend continued then it would have been natural for Farley to replace James in 50 First Dates, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, You Don't Mess with the Zohan, and, of course, Grown Ups. That just leaves Hitch, Grilled, Paul Blart, The Dilemma and Zookeeper.
Let's start with Hitch. Farley would be replacing James in the role of the aspiring but incompetent bachelor. In Hitch, Kevin James started playing secondary characters that are a little more toned down than you would normally expect from the big fat guy. That said, I still think Farley could pull it off; he once said about himself, “Basically, I only play one character, I just play him at different volumes.”
Besides, the two major requirements for James's role in Hitch were that he be able to dance terribly and act awkward around women. I would refer you to the 'Lunch Lady' and 'Chippendales' sketches on SNL as proof that Farley could have excelled in the scenes that called for terrible dancing, and Farley's interactions with the love interest in Tommy Boy prove he could be the guy who lacks confidence around the fairer sex.
Grilled is one potential hole in the Farley-as-James theory since it is a role that James got because he had a pre-existing relationship with Ray Romano. It's hard to imagine Farley playing James's role in the movie since neither you nor I have seen it, but consider this: James plays a meat salesman (!) who must make a sale within 12 hours. It's basically Tommy Boy but they replaced car parts with meat (which is probably what Tommy Boy should have been about in the first place.)
Although Chris Farley participated in a lot of SNL alumni projects, he still wanted to establish himself as a leading man in his own right. (How else do you explain movies like Beverley Hills Ninja and Almost Heroes?) In that light, Paul Blart: Mall Cop fits in nicely with my theory. Paul Blart also works because it is another physical comedy featuring 'that guy from King of Queens'.
Some of you might think it would be hard to shoehorn Chris Farley into Kevin James's role in The Dilemma, but I have a surprise for you: Farley and Vince Vaughan were actually part of the same ImprovOlympic troupe in Chicago! Boom! There's your connection right there. The role probably should have gone to Jack Black or Zach Galifanakis anyway, but if the people behind The Dilemma have to decide between Farley (more talented, more well-known, and Vince Vaughan's old improv buddy), and James (less talented, less well-known, and Ray Romano's buddy), I think they have to go with Farley.
That just leaves us with Kevin James's most recent turd: Zookeeper. It's easy to picture Farley replacing James in that movie since anything James can do, Farley could do better, including physical comedy. You need Farley to run head-first into an overhanging branch and launch his body onto the ground? Easy as the pie all over his face. You need him to fly around in a curtain and bowl over a bride at her wedding? Farley was already a master of that twenty years ago. You need him to take advice from animals on becoming a pick-up artist? I think that was an SNL sketch.
In conclusion, Kevin James killed Chris Farley. Thank you for your time.
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