Franco-Phoney

Thanksgiving has come and gone but I still have much to be thankful for. Near the top of the list is the fact that I am not a Montreal Canadiens fan. However, if I was, I would at least have a Halloween costume: Crystal Ball Huet. Here's how that would work.

"Douche" means shower in French. I don't know why I just thought of that.

First step for Canadiens-fan-me would be to stop writing online screeds deploring the culutral genocide I perceive the Anglos to be inflicting on my province of residence long enough to cash my pogey cheque that the ROC subsidizes. Then I'd make a trip to my local cardboard/NHL jersey shop. Whilst cursing the Leaf Maples de Toronto, I would buy three strips of cardboard and one of the many discount #39 jerseys lying around that the boutique's proprietor thought were such a good wholesale purchase during those heady days back in 2006 when Huet was a promising 32 year-old goaltender and (more importantly) a real French person, like legitimately from France!

Finally, I would make a cardboard sphere out of those three strips, spray the dome with the silver spray paint leftover from my inspired (and totally original) Nuit Blanche art project that satirized crass commercialism, pop a whole in the top and bottom, throw the necessarily* loose-fitting jersey over top and voilà: Crystal Ball Huet. If Canadiens-fan-me wants to put a cherry on top then he'll pull a hammy and react slowly to incoming objects.

*: Necessarily because (1) Canadiens-fan-me is fat even fatter; (2) it is a hockey goalie jersey; and (3) it has to fit over a dome, duh.

Ed. note: The editors would like to thank guest author Articulate Don Cherry for this post and, in the same breath, disavow the guest author's views and opinions which do not necessarily represent the staff at yourplacefamily.blogspot.com, even though it would be super nice if those thievin' Quebecois bastards could lay off our wallets for like ten seconds so we could enjoy just an instant of financial breathing space for once in our wretched lives. I mean, c'mon!