Being self-employed is great and all (much better than being other-employed), but it means I can't engineer my own dismissal from work and go on the pogey, and that sucks.
Maybe it's the epigenetic result of having a father from Atlantic Canada, but I would really enjoy being paid (not very much at all) to be unemployed, even if only on a seasonal basis.* I would say I fantasize about being on OW, ODSP, or CPP, at least once a day, and that's despite encountering people in those situations on a regular basis and therefore being fully aware of how shitty their situations are. I used to fantasize about retirement but then I finished school and started working and realized how far away 60-65 is.
I think I would be good at getting myself fired, too. I'd probably feign incompetence -- is feign the right word when it comes so naturally? -- by "accidentally" breaking things, e.g. knocking things over with my forklift or stocking the shelves at an angle so entire rows come down at once when a little extra pressure is applied. If anything, that sounds like fun. The trick would be hitting that sweet spot where I am incompetent enough that my employer could easily find someone better but not be so bad that I get fired for cause and lose the pay in lieu of notice windfall that you get as severance.
Oh well, I guess I'm stuck here getting paid to be marginally useful to society while I spend the majority of my time on non-work related tasks, which will have to do.
*: This may also be the reason I dislike seals and vote Liberal, but I'm saving those topics for future posts.
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