Conspiracy Theory 4 - Winding down

The scientists ruling our technocracy would have you believe that the leap second that took place at the end of June was perfectly normal, simply the result of everyday adjustments of time to keep clocks in sync with the changing rotation of the Earth. But, sheeple, did you ever stop to ask yourself why that extra second was necessary? Why, that is to say, the Earth is slowing down?

FACT: The second is a standardized unit of measurement of time that was defined in 1960 as 1/86,400 of an average day. In other words, there should be 86,400 seconds in the average day, by definition. FACT: Since the Coordinated Universal Time (UTC) standard was established in 1961, negative leap seconds have never been needed, only extra ones. How come?

Clearly, something is sucking energy out of the system that spins the Earth on its axis. Is it really a coincidence that since the introduction of industrial wind turbines to the troposphere in 1979, the technocrats managing UTC have been forced to slyly add sixteen leap seconds. The big-city bureaucrats in capitals around the world that are responsible for the UTC have done their best to hide the additional seconds by throwing them in at midnight when people are asleep and on December 31 when they are overlooked amidst the New Year's revelry.

Don't you think it is odd that our society has been encouraged in so many ways to lose itself in New Year's Eve celebrations since 1979 when wind turbines first started to put the brakes on humankind's fragile spaceship? I implore all of you not to celebrate on New Year's when it is so blatantly a contrived shemozzle perpetrated to distract us from what is really going on.

It is plain that industrial wind turbines are dooming us all to a hellish endgame that is only generations away. At the rate leap seconds are being added, models suggest that in 80-90 years (long before the heat death of the universe), humans and the rest of Earth's denizens will be forced to contemplate a nightmare reality where the world has stopped spinning.

When the Earth grinds to a halt, there will be decimating wars fought over the few lands that are stuck on the edge between day and night. If we are fortunate, most of these habitable zones won't end up being the ocean. Those of us caught on the dark side of the Earth will rapidly perish from a lack of flora and vitamin D while those caught flush in the sun's rays will literally fry. Meanwhile, those self-satisfied bureaucrats at the National Science Center in Fort Gordon, Georgia will be wantonly expending all the wind energy they've saved up in their fortress like Scrooge McDuck taking one last dive into his silo of gold coins before the nuclear holocaust. Well guess what, boys? You can't take it with you! But that will be little solace to our progeny as they say goodbye one last time to the entirety of everything on behalf of sentient animals all over this wet rock of ours.

To avert such a catastrophe, it is everyone's duty to smash, hit, dent, break, punch, kick, crush, bang, shoot, topple, bomb, obliterate, and destroy every single wind turbine they can find. The wind turbine industry has declared war on humanity, and in the words of Mr. President from Independence Day, "You will be fighting for our freedom, not just from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist." So grab the nearest pickup truck and drive it right into the base of the most grotesquely elephantine wind turbine out there because the bigger they are, the harder they FALL. Our lifeblood is being sucked out of the very air we breathe by legions of tripartite fans lazily spinning humanity's last decades right now and we have to do everything we can to stop it.

We only have one Earth; if Big Wind gets its wish, our unborn children may not even have that.